The Film Panel Notetaker

Wo Ai Ni Mommy (I Love You, Mommy)

Q&A with Director, Stephanie Wang-Breal

Silverdocs

June 22, 2010

By Erin Essenmacher

Stephanie Wang-Breal’s Wo Ai Ni Mommy (I Love You, Mommy) provides incredible emotional access into the complex world of transracial, international adoption.   The film is equal parts heartwarming, laugh-out-loud funny, uncomfortable and at times, viscerally upsetting (the woman next to me, who I had never met before, leaned over at one point during the film to express her anger and incredulity at one particular scene.)

Here’s the brief synopsis:  Donna Sadowskyy and her husband Jeff have 3 children – 2 biological teenage boys and a younger daughter, Darah, who they adopted from China when she was 14 months old.  Still they feel like their family is not yet complete, so they decide to adopt another daughter. This new child also comes from China, but with one critical difference: Fang Sui Yong (now known by her American name, Faith) is 8 years old at the time of he adoption. To complicate things further, Faith speaks no English and Donna speaks only a few very basic words of Mandarin.  The film follows Donna as she journeys to China to meet Faith and bring her home, and chronicles the next 18 months in the family’s life, including Faith’s struggles to learn English and to reconcile her new life in America with her Chinese upbringing and heritage. Oftentimes, especially during tense emotional moments between mother and daughter, filmmaker Wang-Breal, steps in and serves as translator.

Both the director and three of her subjects, mother Donna and daughters Darah and Faith were on hand for a post-screening Q and A.  The following is a synopsis of some of the highlights:

Q:  I had heard prior to seeing the film that you serve as a translator between your subjects. As a filmmaker I expected to have an ethical concern with this, but as a viewer who was really empathizing with Faith’s pain and frustration, I found myself profoundly relieved that you were there to help them communicate. Can you talk about some of the challenges – and rewards – of that decision to translate between them?

SWB: I never intended or expected to translate, and honestly, it didn’t really occur to me that I might need to. I figured when I was in China that there would be a translator there to facilitate – and there was most of the time – but in the scene where Donna and Faith first meet [in the Chinese agency,] the official translator had walked off to another part of the room, and I didn’t really think about it, I just jumped in and started translating.  At that moment, I just wanted to make sure Faith was okay. When I got to the hotel that night, I called my husband and said, “I was translating” and he said, “how do you feel about that?” And I decided I was okay with it.  If it could offer Faith a small bit of comfort in what was a complicated and scary time for her, I wanted to do that.

Q: I was wondering about your decision to shoot the doc yourself?  How did that come about?  (note: it’s apparent that an inexperienced camera person shot much of the film.)

SWB: I didn’t start out with the idea of shooting the film myself. Aside from the budget concerns, it was an issue of access. I intended to take a crew with me to China and film it a more traditional route, but it was clear I was never going to be able to get visas and shooting permits for everyone in time.  So I just took the camera and started filming. Later, with the scenes back in New York, it happened more as concern for both Faith and the integrity of the film – I didn’t want a lot of people getting in the way of the moment. It allowed us to have more emotional intimacy and it wasn’t as intrusive.

DS:  I was actually relieved when Stephanie told me that she wasn’t bringing the crew. I was already nervous about meeting Faith and I was happy there weren’t going to be a big group of people around.  And once we were back at home, it was nice not to have a huge crew in the house, with cameras in our faces, especially those times Faith was having a particularly rough day.

Q: Were there any ethical issues about filming someone too young to give real and meaningful consent?

SWB: I talked with Donna and Jeff a lot about this before we started and we agreed on the parameters.

DS: I had some reservations of course about having cameras around because I knew that it would be such an intense and overwhelming time – especially for Faith.  But I also really felt like this was a great opportunity to show what international adoption was really like, that while it’s difficult, it’s doable and that other families could do this too. And if that convinced even one person to give a child who needs it a home, then it would be worth it.  That said, if Faith had ever seemed like she was not okay with it, or uncomfortable with the camera, we would have absolutely stopped.  We would ask her periodically and she said she was okay with it and even liked being on camera.  But we agreed if she was ever having a hard time, or we didn’t want something filmed, then it wouldn’t be filmed. Plus Stephanie was just so great to work with that she made it really easy.  I think there was only one time when Faith was having a particularly challenging day that we asked her to turn the camera off.

Q: Why did you decide to make the film and how did you two find each other?

SWB: I’m not adopted, but I was interested in the topic and the issues brought up when you adopt a child with different culture, history, background and language. When I first started research, I sent out emails and posts asking for families to interview, and I talked to over 200 families.   When I decided to do the film, I knew I wanted to look at the implications of adopting an older child. I sent out feelers again and found Donna and Jeff.  We met and talked and it seemed like a great fit.

Q: I have a question for Donna. I’m adopted and I’m wondering what was the reaction of family and friends to your decision to adopt?

DS: My family was really incredibly supportive. There were a few who were against it because they thought it would just be too hard to adopt an older child, but honestly everyone else was great about it. We just ignored the naysayers and most of them eventually came around when they saw how happy we were.

Postscript:Wo Ai Ni Mommy (I Love You, Mommy) won the Sterling US Feature Award at Silverdocs.